Why do the same issues keep resurfacing?
The reality of a compartmentalized, secret life is this: living that way requires certain negative, unhealthy and self-centered traits. Your destructive past may not erase your inherent worth, but it does reveal a troubling disconnect within you - one that enabled you to justify deceiving and betraying the people you love most. Sexual compulsions or addiction donât make you treat your beloveds this way, maladaptive character traits do.
You can straighten this out so that you never go back to that way of living again. Your safeguard is in effectively addressing the detachment, incongruence, regression and entitlement (D.I.R.E.) that undergirded your ability to hide for so long.
These traits develop early in life to help you, but they outlive their value as an adult man who is trying to repair the damage heâs caused. D.I.R.E. lingers below the surface, undermining your efforts to walk in true integrity⌠and keeping these traits unexamined leaves the door open to going back to the old way.Â
Let's straighten this out.Â
You have what it takes. You do.
Many men who find themselves here genuinely want to do better. They look back with shame and bewilderment at how they were capable of such duplicity and damage.Â
If youâre here, I imagine itâs because youâre ready to go further, to look honestly at the patterns that drove you to hurt the person you care for most; the patterns that had you living out of sync with who you want to be. This is the work that calls you higher - this work enables you to become a safe person to your partner - and to your self. The focus is to free yourself from being locked up in old default modes.
Embracing this journey means facing uncomfortable truths, but the reward is profound: clarity and contentment, strength and staying power that up-levels your journey of healing as a couple.
The question is not 'are you ready' but rather when will you do it? You have what you need inside of you already, but the maladaptive character traits are a moving screen you keep running into.
It's time to get D.i.r.e. out of your way.Â
ENROLL IN SEGMENT TWOWhat Will Segment Two Offer?
Work through Segment Two at your own pace. For optimal progress, commit 2-3 hours per week to the lessons, homework, and Live Support Sessions. This approach will allow you to understand and apply the material within 3-4 weeks.
If you want to go slower, you can. You'll have six months of access to Segment Two and the weekly Live Support Sessions, giving you flexibility if you need more time. You decide when you're ready to advance to Segment Three.
Segment Two is where you'll discover how and why you D.I.R.E. and you'll begin to build capacity in the opposite direction of these traits. You'll learn concepts you haven't heard before and you'll find the material to be organized in a way that helps you gain mastery quickly.Â
Here's what we'll cover in Segment Two - D.I.R.E. :Â
HOW YOU D.I.R.E.
Learn how detachment, incongruence, regression and entitlement take shape in your own personality and work against your efforts to heal your relationship and your self.
Why you D.I.R.E.
Explore where these traits come from and how theyâve helped you cope in the past. Understand the sexual health implications that are linked to each of these traits.Â
How you stop
Begin to inverse these traits with the method that builds your capacity toward the most potent forms of honesty, integrity, empathy and emotional intimacy.
get in position
Learn how to put the antidotes to D.I.R.E. into action and gain tools that help you show up in the right way for your partner.
Feel strong and steady
Build a new understanding of yourself and your relationship, one that is grounded in equity and genuine partnership.
